Dear UNCCWP: Parting, Starting, and Wobbling

Dear UNCCWP,

Two years ago, I was sitting in SI, knowing that this experience was something powerful.  That I would leave here with the path of my career and life forever being changed.  I had a renewed excitement for teaching, an invigorated love for learning, and made connections to people who I gave me a new sense of what it meant to be part of a professional community. I remember how bummed I was that this life changing endeavor was coming to an end, how I couldn’t wait for the reunion in the fall and any other opportunities to reconnect later on down the line.

Strange how I’m feeling that same way again, two years later.  But not exactly the same.... Quite frequently these last two weeks I have felt struck by the difference in the lens through which I am viewing our time together, the ideas circulating in my mind, and the words I hear myself saying. I’m not the same Steve/teacher/writer I was two yers ago. I think that Cindy said it best when she told me that Summer Institute is where it starts.

Her words couldn’t be more true.

And they’ve got me thinking more about what new starts this final day in SI will bring.  I know that I don’t have the ability to foretell events that are yet to happen (not that I would want to....more on that later),  but I’m thinking about the new places I’m starting from as I head from SI back out into my professional world.  I'm not sure why I'm calling them "new places."  I probably should say familiar places that are now strange.  "Starting" may not even be the right word to use either, as I think many of the areas I'm rethinking had been floating around my mind for some time until a TC demo or conversations had teased them out.  I'm also pretty sure that these starting points are not the only ones SI will prompt, as I know that others are present that I just have not learned to see yet.    So, here are just a few newly-strange ideas that were once familiar, that my week in SI has go got me re-seeing:

Thinking on learning.  This has been an ongoing thing, of course, but I’ve been thinking a lot about the journey and process.  The quote Tony read from Alfie Kohn about how the more fixated you are on getting to enlightenment, the longer it will take you to get there is what has got me headed in this direction. There is powerful truth to these words, as I’ve found in my own learning, and it’s this truth that provoked my statement above, that I wouldn’t want to see into the future if I could.  It’s the unexpected that brings on the wobble, and it’s in the inquiring into and seeking understanding in these situations were the greatest learning happens.  I’m wondering how I can better work this into my classroom, especially with what seems a focus that puts standards at the end of the process, rather than the beginning.

Thinking on Value and Assessment. Like with learning, my thinking on this subject has been ongoing, particularly in the last two years.  I feel like I’ve made some pretty awesome strides towards shifting what my students value from the end product to the learning process by having self assessment be a regular part of my classroom. With the new thinking that I’m doing on learning, though, I find myself trying to dig deeper into this idea as well as my own practice. I’ve felt that my shift in what I assess has promoted more the kinds of learning I want to happen, but I’m hung up on the idea that my assessment practices are what is promoting learning.  I feel like the notion assessment drives learning is still the wrong paradigm.  But I’m not sure how to disconnect assessment from the learning process if I am operating in a grades based system.  Hmm.

Thinking on Leadership.  While standing in front of a room full of 8th graders feels like second nature, leading teachers can be pretty scary.  After a few experiences facilitating sessions with other teachers over the last couple years, this feeling of anxiety has faded.  SI has been like this, too. Low stress.  But at the beginning of the week I began wondering if my change in feelings was a result of feeling more "used to" the audience.   Maybe, but this didn't feel right.   About half-way into the week, in our leadership conversation, I began to realize that something else was at work.  It wasn’t just that I was more comfortable leading teachers’ learning, it was that I had grown better at learning with them.  I think that’s what caused my anxiety at first, feeling like I had to be an authority...an impossible task in a room full of individuals who are certainly more knowledgeable, skilled, and experienced at parts of the craft than I am.  I’m re-conceptualizing teacher leadership, and I’m feeling particularly excited about where this start may lead.

So, UNCCWP, that’s where I am right now.   Over the last two years, you've taken this familiar path of teaching I was on and made it strange.  You've made me feel lost in my own world, guided me in the struggle needed to find my way out, and made sure I was never in the familiar for too long.

Now that I’ve seen how much I have grown as a teacher and writer through the thinking, wondering, sharing, and wobbling, I feel even stronger about the need for the process not to end.  Just so you know, I plan to stay connected to you so it doesn’t have to.

Your friend through it all,

Steve